It’s different this time.
Last season, I was shocked, horrified, outrage, fading to confused, disappointed, sad. Any way I looked at it, it was a travesty.
This season – well, what did you expect? She’s gonna make herself – and Heidi – a bunch of money in the next year or so. And that’s what it’s about.
You want art, go to an art gallery. This is Lifetime.
Did you think they could pass up the exotic multi-ethnic beauty queen from Trinidad with the slightly sordid past (which could easily be turned into a betrayal of a trusting soul, with the right lighting and background music) who’s got a firm handle on camera presence and spin, who knows how to play the plucky “I’m in trouble now and I’m going to have to work my way out of it in a period of time no mere mortal could possibly manage” character and when to trot out the tears and the dead brother on her wrist?
It isn’t like last season. There was no Mondo here. I actually felt sorry for Joshua at several points tonight, because he really thought he had a shot. He had a moment or two. But those neon-green laced-leg shorts? Come on. I really felt sorry for Viktor, who indeed can sew and tailor and has produced most of the few looks I’ve liked this season. But he doesn’t really capture the imagination either; he makes clothes I would’ve worn back when I cared about clothes (that’s why fashion is a youngster’s game, as you get older, you realize there’s so much more important than the perfect little black dress). And he is a little old lady in so many ways. Kimberly, I feel most for. I liked her designs the least, but I get her, I think. And I hope she does become the first breakout mainstream black designer. I think it’s never been clearer that America might be ready for a black man in the White House, but not for a black woman in their closets. But keep going, Kimberly, and maybe they will be some day.
None of them ever had a shot.
I had moments when I thought they might. When Anya brought out her awful satin gown and ridiculous wool bathing suit last week. I knew, in my heart of hearts, it was the same “oh no I’m in trouble” that they’ve pulled on us over and over again this season, that she would triumph. When Tim came in with $500 and no strings on how it could be used, that settled it. In that moment, Anya won. They didn’t even need to bother with the runway show.
It’s not Anya’s fault. She’s not Gretchen, not nearly. There was none of the supercilious, “I think his collection looks like student work” or “I know in my heart I was meant to be at Fashion Week with you.” The worst you can say about her is that she decided when it was time to stop helping each other, and that just happened to be at the moment she didn’t need help but others did. And I give her credit for helping Kimberly when Kim lost her “kit.” I mostly give her credit for realizing she had to do that. And of course Lifetime gets credit for knowing to catch it on tape and broadcast it.
I give Anya credit for a lot of things. Putting her hands in a vat of black dye. Climbing on a table to cut fabric. Stomping on The Roach That Terrorized The Workroom. Knowing how to spin a sex tape.
Just not for being good enough to be a contestant on the Project Runway I knew and loved.
She’s good enough for Lifetime Project Runway, though. In fact, she’s good enough to win it.
Need I say more?