Welcome to Project Runway: The Lifetime Movie. You know the one, where the plucky young woman triumphs using nothing but her brains and talent. Oh, wait, that’s all Lifetime movies. Well, yeah. Welcome.
The women are all glum since they didn’t do so well last week. (Sidenote: I was listing the designers left, and I could not remember who the third woman was. I knew there were three, I knew there was Anya and Laura, but I could not remember who the third one was. I finally thought, “Danielle!” Danielle went home weeks ago. Somehow, I didn’t come up with Kimberly until I actually saw her name on the screen. I’m sorry, Kimberly. But I think that’s a bad sign. And it’s a sign this show has lost me: You know you hate a show when you start hating everything and everyone connected with it, except Kimberly, who they’ve buried to the point where I can’t remember her name, and country boy Anthony Ryan. Uh oh…)
Viktor, on the other hand, is excited. Josh says, clothing is clothing, it shouldn’t matter if it’s menswear or womenswear, there’s excuses being made. This becomes ironic about an hour from now. Viktor isn’t worried about the challenges, but he is worried about people getting nasty: “the tiger will come out. Mrrreow!” Not much of a “tiger” there, but it’s a pretty good “annoyed cat”. I think there’s a metaphor there.
Heidi meets them on the runway and says something about the past. Laura interviews that everyone knows how to construct clothing, so now it’s about “good Mood trips” and finding the right inspiration. Laura is taking on the role of Gretchen as Annoying Know-It-All-Talking-Head. I wonder if she was set up for this, as in the producer says, “You’re the one with the best viewpoint on the others, so tell us what you honestly think about every little thing.” You know you hate a show when you start seeing the hand of the producers behind everything that happens.
They go back to the workroom where Tim is waiting with Heather from Piperlime: it’s the Piperlime challenge, and the winning design will be sold via their site. The designers salivate. The specific challenge is to design a revival of the sophisticated seventies, because Piperlime is all about trends. I think she considers that a good thing. Anthony Ryan interviews they just did seventies looks and it didn’t go so well. Heather goes into some details: big wide legged pants, silky tie front blouses, strong and feminine (unlike women of any other decade). Anya imagines an earthy palette; Kimberly thinks plaid. Tim tells them not vintage or retro like last week, but sophisticated; they’ll have a dossier on their computers. Anya interviews she’ll be happy to do sophisticated instead of Pocahontas. Tim tells them they’re the crème de la crème, and I get a sinking feeling; Tim, what have they done to you? Is the glamour really worth it? You know you really hate a show when you start snarking on Tim Gunn.
Bert’s thinking a pillowy top and long dirndl skirt because that’s the only kind of skirt anyone wore in the 70s (except those of us who wore jean skirts, gator skirts, tiered skirts, a-line skirts … but we weren’t fashionable); Joshua doesn’t know much about the seventies, so he’s grasping for ideas. Kimberly is inspired by a picture of her mom, who was a secretary in the seventies, so she’s going to do sexy secretary. Viktor imagines a fitted tailored jacket, YSL, safari made modern. Anya thinks holiday in Jamaica, which is what she always thinks. Laura plans a maxi skirt with fitted top; she considers herself a 70s glam girl. Anthony Ryan wants to mix prints in a layered look; he can show who he is in a bigger way. You just do that, Anthony Ryan.
They have $100 and two days. Not much money, but plenty of time.
Anya has the envelope with her $100 tucked into her dress, just like old-time ladies used to do, because she doesn’t have any pockets. Of course not, designers hate pockets. They helpfully show a freeze frame with an arrow pointing to the envelope snuggled against her left boob. I think someone in post-production editing just wanted to draw an arrow pointing to Anya’s boob. We see various shots of the envelope, and it’s working its way out, inch by inch. Again, I think it’s interesting how many shots of Anya’s chest they just happen to have. Lots of happy cameramen on that crew. At some point the envelope disappears, and she retraces her steps, the Mood people help her look, but it’s gone. It’s the Pea Puree all over again. I think the cameramen picked it up, myself. And an admiring shout-out to Fukui San of TwoP who quips: “Somewhere in the bowels of Mood, Swatch is chewing on five 20 dollar bills.”
Tim asks if he’s sure it isn’t in her clothes, and honest, I half expected her to strip right there at the Mood cash register because if there’s one thing I admire about Anya, it’s her willingness to give it all she’s got whether it means dyed hands or climbing on a table or running up and down stairs over and over or ripping off her dress to check for money. But somehow she determines to her satisfaction that the envelope is not working its way south, and Tim tells her she can get leftover money from her fellow competitors, or she can use muslin, but that’s about it.
Now, I’ve been kind of hard on Anya, but this policy does seem a little crazy. This isn’t about talent or buying the right or wrong fabric, it’s about losing an envelope. They can’t be worried contestants will start stealing money. Accidents happen; when Kenley left her fabric behind, she was allowed to go back and get it, and this seems to me to be in the same category. But that isn’t how the show sees it. Laura says something like “They said at the very beginning if you lose your money that’s it” so I guess this is black-letter law laid out in the initial briefing.
Nobody has extra money. Tim points out they only had a hundred bucks and they spent all of it, which is what they’re supposed to do. He sounds kind of nasty when he says that, and I don’t get why. There’s something very off about Tim this week, it’s like he’s been invaded by mind-control aliens. She gets $11 and change from Anthony Ryan and gets a little fabric, some buttons, and a zipper. Tim breaks free from the mind-control aliens and point out how very generous she was with everyone in the last challenge, giving fabric to everyone like a mini-Mood, which sounds more like Tim. Bert says that will come back to her. Except of course he’s spent his money already.
Everyone comes over to Anya and gives her little bits of fabric. It’s like that last scene in It’s a Wonderful Life when the whole town comes over to give Jimmy Stewart the money Uncle whats-his-name left in the mean banker’s office. Seriously, one by one they come by: “I have this, it isn’t much;” “You can have these two pieces of white.” Except Viktor, who interviews, “I’d like to help her… but I can’t.” Yes, you can, you choose not to. In the end, it looks like she turns everyone down, and her finished look only uses the print she bought. But Tim praises everyone for their support. Gee, Viktor, all that assholery display for nothing. But it’s time to get inspired by the 70s and add wow and pizzazz, and keep in mind the winning look does have to go into production. Anya cries for the first time on this show (she hasn’t had any reason to cry, since except for last week she’s been sailing along on top) and says they want dynamic and fashion forward and muslin is not any of those things. Hey, the very first Project Runway episode ever – they sent each designer a bolt of muslin and told them to make something out of it and bring it with them. I don’t remember anything about the looks that resulted, it was a long time ago and I don’t think I’ve seen reruns, they often drop the earliest episodes or they start them at 7am when I have other things on my mind.
In the “credit where credit is due” department, I have to admire Anya for buckling down and working with what she’s got. Certain other designers – looking at you, Josh – would’ve thrown world-class hissy fits and then wouldn’t have had time to do anything. Anya got to the “it is what it is” phase pretty quickly, and her tears seemed unavoidable rather than made-for-tv; she in fact seemed slightly embarrassed by them. So I have to give her props. Olivier made much more of a fuss in his talking heads about the “massive” Ewan and a lady with double-d boobs.
Bert does his turn as the History channel. He interviews he has an advantage since he did this before, for Halston. Viktor shows him some shoes, and Bert tells him, “Very Rudolf Nureyev. You do know who Rudolf Nureyev is?” and Viktor says “Of course” like he has no clue. I’m a little surprised to hear shoes other than ballet slippers referred to as “very Rudolf Nureyev” myself, but I’m not a gay fashion designer.
It’s a gossipy little bunch tonight. Anthony Ryan is thinking Woodstock and the hippie movement, which doesn’t sound very sophisticated to me. Joshua is familiar with the disco 70s and could do that easily, but the challenge is to make something marketable on Piperlime so he thinks that’s not exactly the way to go. Good instincts there, Josh. And yet… well, we’ll get to that later. Laura is excited since she wears vintage all the time. Laura, you and Anthony Ryan were obviously not listening when the teacher explained the assignment. They specifically said NOT vintage. Viktor doesn’t trust Josh; he thinks he’s stealing elements of other people’s looks. “I’m not driving you any more, Miss Daisy, you do it.”
Anya starts dyeing but doesn’t like the color; it’s insipid. Bert interviews he doesn’t like Anthony Ryan’s fabric choice; it’s like he’s going to the mall or to bury something in the woods. I don’t quite get that – I’m not sure how one fabric can evoke both occasions. I certainly wouldn’t wear what I wear to the mall to bury something in the woods. Or vice versa. Then again, I haven’t been to the mall in almost a decade. Maybe things have changed, and people there are wearing bury-something-out-in-the-woods clothes there now. Laura‘s playing with two prints; Viktor thinks they’re clashy.
Laura thinks Kimberly’s fabric is JC Penney. But prints, she says, are so subjective. Unlike color and style, see. She and Anya wonder if they should talk to her about it; they explain to Viktor the girls have a pact to tell each other if they see one of them making a big mistake. They phrase it as “she won’t believe in it” but Viktor points out it’s a competition. Laura says, “There comes a point where we have to start worrying about ourselves” and Anya adds, “We can’t all stay until the end.” Actually, it is possible all the women could stay until the end – three women, three slots in the finals. Laura is too busy ending the pact one-sidedly and unannounced to notice her top and her skirt are, as Viktor said, clashy.
Bert‘s talking about the old days, hanging out at Studio 54 with Diane Von Furstenberg and Halston, and Laura asks, “Is that where you got your Halston job?” “No,” he says, “I got it in the balcony, the third row.” My, Bert is frisky today, isn’t he? “Is that a dirty joke?” asks the ever-brilliant Laura. “Could be,” he says, in his best Robin-Williams-as-Adrian-Cronauer. Bert’s worming his way back to my good side. Though I still remember what a jerk he was to Viktor in the stilts challenge, and to Anthony Ryan on the smeakers case. He’s been on his best behavior since, though.
Kimberly tells Viktor she likes his inverted pleat. I’ll bet she says that to all the boys. Oh, the one on the back of his jacket. She’s very somber about it. She says it’s become popular, and he sees Josh has the same pleat. Oh, now I get it, she’s tattling on Josh. Viktor gets a little huffy then decides the hell with it, his pieces are always stronger. Good decision, Viktor. You are a bit of an old woman, but you use your head.
Tim shows up, way too early for a walkthrough, which means… Twist! They have to make a second look that is one piece, not separates, and they will get $50. Normally a two-day challenge would automatically mean that, but not this season, they’ve had a lot of two-day challenges and this is the first twist thrown at them, IIRC.
They have time to sketch before returning to Mood but Kimberly keeps working on her first look and just thinks about the second one. Anya wants to make a jumpsuit, I suppose since that went over so well the first time she did it. Hey, if she makes nothing but jumpsuits from here on it, she’ll win ALL the challenges! Bert plans a minidress, as does Josh, and Laura remembers a fabric she’d seen that she wants to use. Anya pins her money to her shirt. Someone tells her what a great idea that is. I can see it now: new trend, pinning your belongings to your shirt to avoid gauche pockets. It’ll be right up there with the arm warmers at Lima High. You know you really hate a show when an inoffensive thing like this generates a fantasy that fills you with rage.
Tim’s Walk Through:
Anthony Ryan: Tim doesn’t like the idea of a longer skirt; it’s too old a look, so Anthony Ryan makes it a mini. For his second piece, he’s going to make a maxi. Tim points out it’s “a void among you” which throws me for a minute. Oh, no one else is doing a maxi, I guess. Except for the people who are. I wonder if Tim’s ok.
Anya is making a paper bag waist on her pants, and Tim is relieved to hear she hasn’t really started since it looks like a Hefty bag waist at this point. He says her jumpsuit idea is right on trend.
Tim visits Bert; Laura calls his look Roller Barbie. Tim says it could go either way. The second look is a skimp. I don’t know what a skimp is. I don’t think I want to know.
Kimberly is making a look with a bare midriff and a mini, and Tim suggests she choose one “sex element” or the other. She decides to go pencil skirt.
Viktor is working on his jacket. Tim tells him the more safari construction the better, because otherwise it’s just a pretty jacket. A pretty safari jacket is much better, I guess. His second look will be flared pants mimicking the suiting. Wait, I thought it had to be one piece, so is he doing a jumpsuit too?
Josh has a pink shirt. His second look is a tight mini; he’s doing androgeny, one masculine and one feminine. Tim warns him to “be careful of the narrative” because while he can spin a tale as well as anyone, the clothes need to speak for themselves. Except when the judges want to know where she’s going, then it’s all about the narrative. Even Tim is inconsistent this week.
Laura is doing something I can’t figure out, and Tim thinks her fabric wants to be designed differently. Then he does a “I’m not trying to be mean, but” that raises the hair on the back of my neck, I can’t imagine what it does to Laura. Probably nothing, actually, since she seems to think anyone who doesn’t get her stuff doesn’t deserve her attention. Apparently Nina hates Laura. She’s “bristly about her taste level.” Really? I know she was the only one who didn’t like her look last week, but I don’t really recall this being an ongoing problem. Laura wasn’t aware of it either. She doesn’t care if her brand pleases Nina, but she has to please her in this competition. That’s actually a good way of looking at it.
The models come in for their fitting. Bert’s model calls his look Charlie’s Angels. She probably means the movies, right? I mean, she’s never seen the original Charlie’s Angels. Bert’s helping Victor with something, and compares it to “putting a you-know-what on.” I’m guessing he means condom, but is that something he can’t say out loud? Did someone put something in Bert’s coffee this morning? Anthony Ryan sees Anya as embodying his client, so he asks her what she thinks, and she says she will buy every piece. Don’t listen to her, Anthony Ryan! She’s a competitive girl, you think she’s going to tell you the truth? She isn’t even going to tell the truth to Kimberly, and she made a pact with her.
They go home and sleep, then come back and work more. Anya and Kimberly keep sewing right up to the very end, and Tim shooes them to the runway.
Heidi is wearing an Olivier top. That was the first thing I thought when I saw her. It’s the color of oatmeal and it looks like bandages with lots of pleating and folds and seams. And she’s probably skinny enough to be Olivier-approved. She does have boobs, though, so maybe not. And Olivia from Piperlime is the guest judge. Is this some kind of subconscious thing? Do I actually miss Olivier? Nope, not in the slightest.
Kimberly: A black print circle top that I don’t understand at all (I’m thinking back to her very odd initial Come as you Are look in ep.1, I think it was) over a narrow black skirt. And a grey jumpsuit with a peek-a-boo triangle at the navel. You’ve got to be kidding me. Kimberly, what has happened to you, girl? Are you trying to go Anya on us? This has to be a bottom three look, and following last week, she might actually be in danger. And the pockets – I love pocket, but even I can see these are not hip-friendly pockets. MK is frowning.
Anthony Ryan: Ever since TLo started calling Julie “Julie Dogblankets” I’ve been seeing dogblankets everywhere. I’ve been trying to resist it, but here it is again: a dogblanket vest-with-lapels-or-shirt-jacket-without-sleeves, in a zigzag black-white-grey print. I actually like it (which scares me), except that it’s over a red-grey-black geometric print sleeveless shirt and super short, super tight red skirt. Individually the pieces aren’t bad at all, but together they’re GAH! His second look is a red/black squareish plaidish print maxidress with white over the sleeves. Everything about this bothers me. The print is kind of cool, but not right for the dress. I wrote “very Gretchen” which I think was inaccurate and harsh, but it was the first thing I thought of. He says it’s casual but trendy. I don’t know from trendy, but I don’t like the shape, it’s too narrow at the hem and too unfitted in the bodice. Again, those two things are fine but they don’t go together. It’s a no for me.
Bert: A sheer top over a gold bandeau over black short-shorts; Bert says there’s a lot more skin than he expected as it walks down the runway. I think it’s something out of a Columbo episode, where the rich lady is lounging around the house before shooting her husband. That’s pretty 70s, come to think of it. His second look is a very simple dress, white in front and gold in back. He calls it Grecian but Rami would object to that. It’s kind of pretty, actually. Especially if you like nipples. Is this the skimp – because it’s skimpy? I’d believe it was a nightgown if you told me.
Laura: black and white chevron print top, over a yellow-green-black print skirt, another fine entry in the let’s-mismatch-our-prints contest; and a “jumper” of sheer black pants and grey top. Isn’t a jumper a sleeveless dress worn over a blouse? They’re all calling them jumpers. I hate jumpsuits, but I have to admit it’s very pretty, quite elegant. I wish it was a top and pants instead of a jumpsuit. It’s not much in the way of design or innovation, but Piperlime doesn’t require that, do they.
Joshua: black and white plaid pants in a very narrow cut, with a hot pink and black blouse. The pants are ok though a little tight (they make the model look bulgy), but the blouse is horrible. I think he was going for Mondo, especially in the pants. Josh, you are not Mondo. Do not try to be Mondo. You cannot try to be Mondo. You either are Mondo, or you are not, and you are not. He also has a long dress with a print skirt. I like it. I really do. Uh oh, bad sign. Either that, or I’m suffering from severe meh fatigue.
Anya: Black and white print high-waisted pants in a very wide cut, with a reddish low-cut halter top that’s just like all the other low-cut halter tops Anya’s made, and not very well-made at that. I know it’s muslin, but, well, it looks like muslin. I don’t like the fit at the armholes or the bosom. I can see trip to Jamaica, though, and since the people in this world go to Jamaica and not to work, and since she’s Anya and she’s given a season pass for bad sewing, I’m guessing she’s going to do well. For me, it’s a low pass, because I can see possibilities in it, but it’s the sort of thing you can see a celebrity like Rachel Zoe or that Hilton chick “designing” – that is, telling a real designer, “make wide leg high waist pants in this fabric and a halter top,” and the real designer comes back with a gorgeous garment which the celebrity then takes bows for on the runway. If they want to that kind of design show, why don’t they steal the other show Bravo invented with that exact premise? (I forget what it was called, it was so awful). And how many times are they going to let her get away with making the same style? Speaking of… her jumpsuit, which the Lifetime Rate the Runway picture makes the model look like she has an extra pair of thighs in there.
Viktor: A pale pantsuit with the safari jacket; the jacket is a little overbulky to me, with wide trimmed lapels and those pockets, plus the belt – but it’s ok. and it’s obviously been designed by someone who knows how to design, and sewn by someone who knows how to sew. The Rate the Runway picture includes an unfortunate shadow that looks like the model has peed herself. The shell underneath has too much print. His second look is a halter-top grey over black dress, which is likewise ok.
And once again, I’d be hard pressed to pick a winner. Or, for that matter, a loser. Averaged together, Kimberly’s looks are the worst, but most of them had at least one horror.
Kimberly is safe, and is sent back to the lounge to wait all by her lonesome. Safe? Either it’s because they’re all mesmerized by jumpsuits, or her respectable past held her up. Note to myself: if I ever go on PR, make jumpsuits.
Laura: She says she loves color and print, used an easy knit to make a full maxi skirt and a b/w top with graphic chevrons. For her second outfit, she wanted an easy look. Heidi likes the second look, but not the combination of the two prints. Nina says the top looks like a prison uniform, and the weird print used for the skirt isn’t good. The other look won’t read online. Olivia agrees the prints don’t go together. MK says it doesn’t look like fashion, it’s just clothes; it’s not what’s next. Laura, please note: it wasn’t just Nina who had a problem here.
Viktor: Heidi loves his two great looks, though the suit could be a little better.. MK thinks the t-shirt is “killing the sex,” (I love that phrase, I don’t think I’ve ever heard it before but I may just have repressed it) the suit is looking career matron. Alone the t-shirt looks cool, he loves that Viktor is wearing matching snakeskin shorts and bow tie. Nina likes the nice tailoring on the jacket, but it’s a little conservative. She loves the dress, it looks expensive. Olivia likes the pants, she’d save the t-shirt for something else. Heidi marvels, it’s unreal what he can do in a short time. They had two days, Heidi. Remember, this is how PR used to go before you dumbed it down for Lifetime. Remember? Seth Aaron? Christian? Chris? Jay? Rami? Emilio? Oh, but they were men so they don’t count on the Network for Women. How about Kara Saun? Jillian? They turned out some amazing stuff on short notice too.
Josh: He talks about masculine vs feminine. MK says it’s more like schizophrenia. The plaid pants against every fashion law of nature. They’re over the top, and have no easiness. He decides they come from 1870s France, wrong 70s. Heidi thinks it’s the worst outfit she’s seen, with too many things going on. How can you put so many things in one outfit? Josh says, “Because that’s who I am? A lot hings need work, but it would sell off the runway.” Heidi says if it doesn’t resonate, it won’t do him any good to live in his own little bubble. You know, I don’t like his stuff either, but I think it’s what he does, and to tell him to be more like everyone else just depresses me. Olivia thinks his ideas need to be confined. Because that’s what Piperlime sells, confined fashion. Nina says the fabric choice is horrendous; the second skirt is “tragic print” but he does take risks. He just has an edit problem.
Anya: She tells her sad tale about losing her money, and they figure out her first look cost $11. Heidi is impressed. She likes the jumpsuit with the sheer back. The top of the first look is the color of Dentyne, which I realize is perfect. But he likes the working, well done. Nina loves the print. It looks expensive, and the color is good. Both outfits are good for shopping online. Aha, a new type of fashion: internet chic.
Anthony Ryan: Olivia feels it’s incomplete, the shirt needs sleeves. The pattern mix doesn’t work. The second dress second looks like tent. Nina says it looks hippie-dippy, and not in a good way (is there a good way to look hippie-dippy? I happen to love it, but this bunch throws it out in the trash). The layering isn’t working. It doesn’t have a luxe feeling. MK likes that he went to a very different early 70s, granola girl. But they only let Gretchen do that last season because she … oh, wait, no, he can’t say that. The skirt is awful. Heidi calls them shmattas. I didn’t know Heidi spoke Yiddish. She would not want to be any of them. Nina thinks she looks like part of a cult. I think they want to ditch Anthony Ryan and they’re just making up stuff.
Bert: He was going for Shellie Hack’s Charlie ads. Eww! However… I wonder if he’s remember that last season, Gretchen’s winning navy jumpsuit in episode 2 was called “very Charlie.” Heidi thinks the shorts are way too short, but the dress looks expensive. She likes the two colors for front and back, it looks elegant. MK likes the metallic blouse, the asymmetry. It’s the two sides of the 70s, streamlined and glamorama. Nina would buy the top. The other look is simple and beautiful. So… she wouldn’t buy it? Olivia likes the first look, it’s very sexy. On the second look, she likes belt details, the little metal ends. What? That seems like a stupid thing to like about a dress.
They go wait in the lounge while the judges have the Little Chat. Kimberly asks for the rundown. Josh tells her he missed the mark, because he wasn’t born in the 70s. See above, Joshua complaining about designers making excuses. Viktor says he wasn’t born in the 70s either, and Joshua gets all huffy, accuses him of trying to get aggressive (there it is again, that countermove like when he told Bert “I need to you stand back,” Josh has been in therapy or anti-bullying classes and he knows how to use it against people, it’s very passive-aggressive, and he does it so well I wonder if someone’s teaching this) by telling me everyone should know these movies. Movies? I guess Viktor said something about movies I didn’t catch (I’ll edit this when I see the repeat). Bert points out they have to know these things, as fashion designers. I agree with that: that’s what being a professional means, it means having a body of knowledge beyond the immediate tasks you do. If you just make clothes (or paintings or birdhouses or songs or stories), you’re a craftsperson. If you add context to it and work from fundamentals, you can, maybe, someday, be an artist.
The Little Chat:
MK says Joshua‘s pov is not about editing or simplicity. You’re just figuring that out now, Michael? Olivia complains about the leopard belt. Nina says there’s nothing wrong with leopard. I think I missed a lot of this, because Nina cannot be defending Josh. But the belt was hardly visible between the hot pink and the plaid. Olivia points out he needs to take criticism better or he’ll scare buyers. Heidi demonstrates how he “starts steaming” like she did the “Gretchen honey badger” thing. But the honey badger was a lot funnier. Olivia says the girl will not be getting laid with those pants, showing that Piperlime has its priorities straight: clothes exist to get you laid.
Heidi doesn’t know what went wrong with Anthony Ryan. Nina thinks it looks Charles Manson cult. Nina hasn’t seen any footage of that, has she? These people need to educate themselves before they use historical references that other people actually lived through. MK hates the mix of prints. Olivia declares it not photographable, which of course is the important thing for Internet Chic.
Nina wonders how Laura could put those prints together. Olivia agrees, it’s not flattering. MK calls it an ugly print skirt with a prison stripe top, and other is three sleeping pills. Watch that creeping dosage, Michael, you can get in trouble that way.
Heidi repeats she’s impressed with Anya. Olivia likes the print pants. MK says the jumpsuit is a home run. Heidi says it’s quiet but a show stopper. MK points out with the low cut, if it was cut wrong way you’d be topless. Nina loves that she’s smart, thinks quickly on her feet and made it happy. MK picks on the color. Heidi says, “We all want that jumpsuit.” MK wants one, too. Jumpsuits are comfy. They are not, you have to strip to pee! What universe do these people live in?
MK loves that you can wear Bert‘s top with jeans (instead of the horrid shorts he made). Nina says it photographs well. I’m getting a little sick of all these photographable clothes. MK loves the silk jersey dress, in any length or color. Olivia gushes about the silver ends on the belt again. She’s really fixated on them, isn’t she? Like a baby chimp who likes bright shiny things.
Heidi praises Viktor for another great job. Olivia loved the tee; MK thinks every piece is great, they can be mixed together, and he manipulated the snakeskin just right.
Sounds like Viktor wins, Laura or Joshua is out, right? Ah, but you forgot: this is the Lifetime version! So:
The Verdict and the Long Goodbye:
Anya wins, and Bert and Viktor make faces. So do I, but I was wise enough not to do it on TV. Then Olivia tells Bert she wants to put his silver tips on Piperlime, and she guesses she’ll have to bring the dress along to do that. So Bert is appeased. That still leaves Viktor, who made all this stuff everyone loved, and all he got was, well, nothing. Because, well, it’s Lifetime, and the lady who lost her money has to rise victorious from last week’s defeat. The classic comeback. Bert, well, I think those silver tips hypnotized the Piperlime lady.
Laura is safe with the caveat that she really missed the mark, ironic since she considers herself to be the height of 70s glam. And Anthony Ryan is out. Anthony Ryan? Ok, his look was crap, but… Anthony Ryan? Are you sure? Ok. It’s Anthony Ryan, rocking his one nut home. Sorry, babe.
Tim gets verklempt while sending Anthony Ryan to clean up his workspace, and pulls out of his ass, “It’s the fashion Olympics, you’re all excellent designers, and an excellent designer is going home.” It must kill him to call these people “excellent designers.” At least I hope it hurts. Because if he really means it, we’ve lost our beloved Tim to the Dark Side of Lifetime. You know you really hate a show when you no longer trust Tim Gunn.
Next week, the designers are inspired by birds (an owl, a parrot, a cockatoo, I think) in a head-to-head competition. I can see it now: MK will say “He did the bird, and you did the birdshit.” Is anyone taking wagers on how many times birdshit will be mentioned? Flipping the bird? Birds-eye view? And who thinks Josh is going to get nasty, whoever he’s up against? Anyone who picks Anya as a partner-competitor is going to go take a nap since they know they’re sunk. Now I see why they sent Anthony Ryan home. They wanted Josh around for this one. I’m thinking they’ll line him up with Bert. You know you hate a competitive reality show when you can write it before you’ve seen it. Maybe…(eyes to heaven)… Maybe… (whisper)… pretty please maybe they’ll surprise me…