Food Network Star 2011 Episode 5: Diners, Drive-ins and Fourth of July

Hello, I am Zin, happy Fourth of July!

I always enjoy holiday themed shows because I know that they were shot months earlier and so many people had to stand around in April pretending it is July (or in September pretending it is Christmas in the case of one memorable-for-its-horribility Top Chef). I do not know when this series was shot, but I am sure it was not this weekend!

Since JustinB has been eliminated, I do not have to worry about confusing the two Justins any more so JustinD will become just plain Justin. Susie Fogelson will continue to be Fogs. I know, I started out calling her Foge but I like Fogs better. I just realized now she was not in the last episode! I think that means she needs to improve her camera presence or something!

Whitney has the “oh poor miserable me” spotlights to open the show. Her mother gives her a pep talk over the phone. Penny thinks there is a Susie-Jyll-Mary Beth clique. I think there is an anyone-but-Penny clique, and I think the primary reason for that is Penny.

For the Camera Challenge, they go to Mel’s Drive-In, and Guy Fieri drives up in his red convertible. I have a bad feeling about this! The good news is, they do not have to cook for this challenge! The bad news is, they have to film segments for Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. They will bring the viewer into the experience. There will be five segments with two people (not a team, this is individual, they just happen to be doing the same segment because there are not ten segments to go around) getting four chances each to film their segment:

Vic and Susie do The Open, a fifteen-second segment to invite the viewer into the show and let them know what to expect. Vic is worried because Susie is very spunky. But Susie has trouble relaxing. She says some unintelligible things while walking and trips over the camera at the last minute. Vic looks like Frankenstein walking. They should play Jaws music! Guy tries to give him walking lessons. It is funny, actually! Vic thinks he and Susie are tied – she makes up words and he walks like Frankenstein.

Chris and Whitney do a two-minute Chef interview. Chris cannot figure out where the camera is. Guy calls him a bull in a china shop, but Chris starts to understand blocking. Unfortunately he starts to understand it after his four takes are done. Whitney does a decent job; Guy says she is a natural. At the end she takes a huge bite of a ginormous burger and it nearly squirts right out of her hands but she hangs on to it. Oh, Whitney, you gave up engineering for this?

Jeff and Penny do a two-minute Waitress interview. Jeff tries to get personality across. Since he is the Sandwich King (though he was demoted a few weeks ago to Prince), he asks what is her favorite sandwich. The waitress is not really cooperating, she is pretty cold. But she is trying to work here! Then he asks her, if you could kick anyone out who would it be and she says “You.” I want to give her a prize! They do a shtick where he wants to split tips (he is kidding) and she walks away from him (she is not kidding). It is kind of funny but Guy does not like it. He says it is negative, this is not a bar where people get kicked out! I thought it was good! I think he just has to complain about something because it was fun to watch, it was very natural! The waitress was playing along perfectly! Penny gets pushy with the camera guy and the waitress and Guy tells her to stop interrupting her interviewee: “You are aggressive and you have a strong personality but you can not cut people off.” “Sure I can, watch me,” Penny says. No, she does not say that. Then she asks some customers why they did not order the wet fries and Guy does not like that either, she should keep it positive. Again, I thought it was ok. I would not order wet fries! But wet fries just means they have gravy on them. She should have asked why they ordered what they did, not why they did not get something. You know, keeping it authentic and natural! And Positive! This is why this show is so funny! It is right out of Kafka!

Orchid and Mary Beth interview the Owner. They get to sit at a table! That seems unfair since the others had to run around after chefs and waitresses and walk while opening! Guy tells Mary Beth this is not 20/20 and she needs to have more fun. She finds her print background is not translating to TV. Orchid talks to the owner about family – how do you get your family to take over, since she has a restaurant and wants her kids to take over some day, but she never lets the owner answer! Guy tells her she needs to focus.

Jill and Justin do The Close, fifteen seconds to run down what they have seen and wrap up. Justin has four seconds left over and Guy says, what can you do with four seconds, and shows him – “See what I’m talking about?” and other Guy Fieri filler things. The things that are the reason I can not stand to watch him! So Justin tries to do those things. Jyll interviews that she has has never seen this Justin before. Justin does some weird things and Guy is very happy. Jyll says she has fifteen seconds to wrap up and attempt to show some personality, and that is going to be hard for her. I thought that was funny. Guy gets her to pantomime playing with her dog to get her to relax. She rubs the ears of the imaginary dog, then slaps him silly, left-right-left-right. Poor Puppy. But she finally feels more like herself. I am worried about her dog. Jyll, does Wisconsin look so bad right now?

They do not have a winner! How can they have a challenge without a winner? They waste an hour and a half of time and do not have time for a winner? This is bullshit! So I declare Whitney the winner and Orchid the loser!

Guy presents the Star Challenge. It is a product placement event for a low calorie beer because it is Fourth of July and nothing says Independence Day like low calorie beer. They must be creative with all-American classics and feed a hundred and fifty Food Network fans, putting their own twist on classic picnic items. They have forty minutes to shop, two hours to cook, and they will serve tomorrow.

Vic is assigned lobster roll and chips, he will put lobster with aioli on a baguette with caviar. Justin thinks Vic is biggest sleeper in competition. Yes, they are still looking for He-Man types like Herb from last year. I do not get the attraction. I do not think he is warm and fuzzy. Does he have a POV besides looking scary?
Mary Beth must make bbq chicken and potato salad. She will include a honey mustard glaze, and red-white-and-blue smashed potato salad. I am not sure how that works but it sounds like she has made it before. Does she use red white and blue potatoes? Because red potatoes are only red at the skin, and blue potatoes are kind of greyish-purple when cooked! I do not know, maybe she adds things for the red and blue. It is awful when people feel they have to do blue things, because as all Top Chef fanatics know, there is no blue food.
Penny has the classic all-American dish of sausage with peppers and macaroni salad. She sees this as an opportunity to do things on her own, she does not need Cheech and Chong working with her. I do not think anyone needs Cheech and Chong, though Cheech has grown on me as he has aged. I think everyone is very happy to not work in teams! She decides to turn sausage and peppers into a lamb kabob with yogurt and cucumbers and sumac.
Jeff draws beer and pretzels. He will make pretzel-coated chicken sliders with three sauces. He will use the product placement beer in his sauces which will guarantee him a pass on this round. He truly grasps the nature of the competition.
Jyll gets carne asada and pico de gallo. She has never made these things and is frightened! Apparently she did not get the memo about giving it a twist, which is odd since in an earlier episode she gave a Wisconsin twist to short ribs (or was it pulled pork?) and turned them into beer brats. I have to admit I have no idea what carne asada is – turns out it is marinated grilled beef served in tortillas – a “roasted meat” taco. Surely she could turn that into something Wisconsin.
Whitney is assigned the classic American hot dog and baked beans. She thinks she will make a normal hot dog, with gourmet toppings, and will reinvent the beans into baked bean pie. I love baked beans, please stop trying to be creative with them!
Justin gets the old standby hamburgers and watermelon. He keeps the hamburger and will make pickled watermelon relish.
Susie has pork ribs and cole slaw. She will make cole slaw without mayo, will use avocado instead, which sounds like a cool idea. Jyll wants to get help from Susie, and Susie is taken aback by that and seems to be complaining that she is being used as the expert Mexican, but, honey, that is how you positioned yourself! But I think really it is that she does not want to help her competitor, which I can understand. Then Susie is upset because Chris is next to her and he is making a mess and shaking the table. Chris says Susie does not want him to rock the cutting board, but he can not be listening to her. I think Chris is sharper than he lets on!
Orchid is assigned barbecued brisket and mac and cheese. She too misses the memo and sticks with exactly that. Jeff interviews he would have gone with tri-tip (Alton Brown hates tri-tip but I do not remember why, I have never heard of it, I think it is a west coast name) or flank steak, because it has the same flavor, but cooks quicker. I wonder why she does not do steak sandwiches! She keeps saying a brisket takes fifteen hours and she only has two but she hopes it will magically work out. I do not think that is a successful strategy!
Chris gets shrimp and corn on the cob. He will make marinated shell-on shrimp, so it will steam itself. But…well, we will get to this later. There are reasons shell-on shrimp is not served in this country very often. Though in Spain it is pretty common, I understand, as tapas. The really funny part is watching him try to figure out how much shrimp to get and how much it will cost. I have to admit I can not follow it either. But if I were competing for this, I would have figured it out already, because that is part of the challenge! I was expecting to find out he got way to little, but he seems to have figured right.

Back at the ranch that night (or at least it is presented as that night, I do not quite believe the editing of sequences here) Penny says the mood in house is weird, she is hanging out with boys in kitchen and complains about the girls who she says are complaining about her. Jyll sits down at the table with her and tries to explain: “If you feel alientated, you need to understand if you behave a certain way, people back off” Penny says she is dramatic and emotional and too bad. Jyll says there are consequences to your actions. Penny gets mad because she wants to behave the way she wants to without consequences. I think she is probably diagnosable with something. Projection, for sure. She complains about the drama, but she is creating most of the drama.

Presentation: When they get to the picnic grounds, they see a big stage and find out they must be the entertainment. Oh, I think they will be entertaining all right! They have to do a three-minute cooking demo. There are props to choose from. Beware when the Food Network brings out props, they expect you to hang yourself with them! Susie is still thinking of grape vines and how her parents came here to pick fruits and veggies. Boy, they are pushing the child-of-immigrants angle here. I think Susie is a keeper for them. Whitney is worried because she has never done a cooking demo. I am willing to bet she does not have any fruit-picking immigrant parents either. Jeff is happy because he has more experience than anyone else at this. His bio says he was a comic. But having experience does not necessarily mean he is good at it. After all, if he was a good comic, he would still be a comic, yes? Chris has never performed in front of anyone, unless you count his normal life which I have found quite a performance.

Chris starts us off. He puts on a big Uncle Sam hat and boxing gloves. I do not understand the gloves. But the first thing he says is, “it is time to take the gloves off” and he throws them off the stage! Now I understand! He is very simple-minded, yes? He talks about shrimp, about grilling four minutes per side. The stage manager puts up his hand with five fingers splayed, and Chris, who we already know is not good at math, thinks that means he has thirty seconds. I would like him to explain how he figured that. It meant, of course, he had five seconds, so he gets cut off, and whines about not seeing the cue. Fogs notices he did not finish.
Jyll is scared! She has a hat, too. Those hats are very popular. She wants to be authentic, and not lie about carne asada, she does not know much about traditional Mexican flavors! See, this is the problem, she is thinking what they say actually applies outside of the exact context in which they said it. She will pay for that. She talks about beer as marinade which probably saves her. Penny interviews Jyll has a battery in the back and will fall if you pull it out. That is pretty good, actually. Fogs thinks she teeters on artificiality. Bobby mutters that if you do not know, tell people to discover along with you. Which is funny because every time he does a throw down he says he does not know anything about whatever he is cooking and has never made it and in many cases has never eaten it!
Susie does not use any dress up things which is good! She tells her Mexican immigrant story because she has figured out that is her road to glory. She talks about using avocado instead of mayo in cole slaw. She says she never knew what thumbs were for, but then she realized, it is to squeeze limes! That comes perilously close to a racist joke, you know, Susie. Bob likes her heartfelt story. Unlike the rest of us who are sick of it. Fogs thinks her focus was good and that has been her biggest challenge. I think she had one joke in her arsenal and now what is she going to do?
Jeff gets a guitar because he can play. He wraps himself in a flag (that used to be called desecration back in the 60s when hippies did it) and starts out hunched backwards, and he does play a few chords but nothing recognizable. Then he turns around and does something about beer. That is smart! No matter what, if you talk about beer, people will love you! And if you talk about product placement beer, the judges will love you! He is the King of Sandwiches (he must forget he was demoted to Prince two weeks ago!), and how do you make a sandwich out of pretzels and beer? You use beer stock! God bless America and God bless Chicago. Chicago? They are in California, yes? Oh, Jeff is from Chicago! Bob says he started out memorable but ran out of gas. Guy thinks he got winded and distracted, but he liked the entertainment. He would.
Orchid is nervous. She hates following Jeff because he is so exuberant. She talks about brisket and two hours and has a big slab of meat and can not get it out of the bag! Bobby says today was about entertaining and food tips, but she had it reversed. Fogs says she had low energy. Uh oh. Low Energy is like “Questionable Taste” on Project Runway, you do not usually survive. It was a pretty stupid thing, to be on a stage with a hunk of flesh no one can see and try to explain how to cook a brisket. She has to get herself some Filipina immigrant stories!
Vic is wearing a bright red wig. He says he is known for his intimidating looks, so he put on this lovely hairpiece. He talks about some things, I do not really know what. Then he holds a rolling pin like a baseball bat on his shoulder. He says, I bet you are wondering why I have a rolling pin, and I think, he is going to beat someone to death with it to show he really is intimidating! But no, it was his grandma who was intimidating! She used to stand in kitchen with a rolling pin and scare the shit out of him, and that is why he is today humiliating himself on television. Fogs got choked up about rolling pin. I think Fogs needs to get out more. Guy changed his mind about whether he could win. I think he means that in a good way.
Penny comes out dressed as Betsy Ross. She talks about being the Middle Eastern Mamma and I get nervous. Really! I mean, there are crazy people out there, I do not know where they rounded up these 150 people, are they Food Network people, friends, do they know who they are? Are they going to attack Penny for being Middle Eastern? I feel sorry for her! I do! Because she tries to make people laugh and they are silent! She interviews they have fallen asleep! I wonder how much of it was shock at the little white snood on her head. She talks about turning sausage and macaroni salad into kabobs and tabouleh because that is her culture (funny, she made mac and cheese last week and did not think it was a cultural misstep). Orchid interviews that Penny is a car wreck, and they are tied for worst right now. Bobby says she fell flat. Fogs says she was uncomfortable when she tried to rev the crowd and it was like crickets chirping. Penny knows she messed up. I think it is a tricky thing with the emergence of some very crazy attitudes in this country to stand up and say “Hello I am a Middle Eastern Mom and Happy Fourth of July!” It is a difficult hurdle to overcome, and Penny is not someone who has the humor or charm to pull it off. Especially dressed as Betsy Ross.
Whitney talks about her gourmet hot dog, and how she wants to impress the pants off Bobby Flay, then seems to realize what she just said: “Not that I want to see you with your pants off” which is not the most clever follow up but Bobby laughs. Somehow women are allowed to make all kinds of sexual double entendres on this show but men are not. She shows everyone how to make ketchup, which is pretty cool, since most people probably think it is squeezed from the fruit of the ketchup tree! Bobby likes her sassiness. Fogs did not know she had it in her! Whitney interviews it was kind of a mistake, it just slipped out about Bobby and his pants. Yes, dear, you keep saying that and everyone will believe it because that is where we live now.
Justin is focusing on Big Energy. He is Wild with Watermelon. Watermelon brine, pickled watermelon brine. Jyll says Justin is not so much coming out of his shell as he is mutating into a completely different personality. Bob says he did not recognize this guy, or his speech pattern, he is trying on different character. Fogs says he does not wear it comfortably, she is stunned, trying to figure it out. Bobby say he seemed forced. Well, people, this is what you get! You say, Be Yourself and then you say, No, Be Interesting, so people try to do what you want! When he is walking away Justin tries to do a high kick and pulls his hamstring, which is the perfect metaphor for the whole thing.
Mary Beth leaps onto the stage and screams, “Party like it is 1776” and the panel laughs. Boy, is that a forced laugh. What is funny about that? Mary Beth wants to play to selection committee, but they are paying attention to crowd. She does more jokes that I do not quite catch and says, like a comic at a club, “I am here all week, oh, I might not be, if you want me to be ask these four lovely people,” and again the panel laughs like someone held up a cue card that says “Laugh”. Bobby says she was terrific. Bob says she makes you come up to her level, and she is entertaining but still an expert. Fogs praises her for being so natural and so good at this. I liked Mary Beth better when she was a writer. I am not sure I like the New Improved Hilarious Mary Beth.

Tasting: The hordes, and the judges, descend upon the booths.
Mary Beth finds her grill is not hot enough and her chicken is not crispy. Bobby calls it flabby skin. Fogs says as good as she was on stage is as bad as the food is.
Penny shows people how to roll kabobs. Guys likes her food. Jyll interviews Penny is doing great and has a big line at her booth. Bobby says she has good control of her spices. Bob says she is a master in the food department (he has forgotten about the burned mac and cheese already) but her presentation was not memorable. Oh, I remember it! It was scary! But I still am not sure it was her fault.
Susie thinks people are intrigued by her cole slaw, she is happy she opens up minds to different kind of cole slaw. Well, I suppose that is a start. I like my cole slaw with vinegar and various seeds myself. Bobby is happy to finally get some flavor. Guy loves the sauce. Bob says the dish is a knockout. Fogs stands up and with her hand on her heart and tears in her eyes says Susie is a testament to her roots. Well, maybe not so much the posture, but that is what she says.
Jyll talks about Wisconsin and cheese. Penny complains about Jyll talking about the Packers and cheese. I think Penny should shut up. Notice Jyll said something nice about Penny. Penny also does not understand how Jyll can not know how to make a taco. Yes, that is a good point. But that is what happens when you take the whole “POV” and “Focus” thing to heart. Bobby says it is like a five year old made the taco. Bob says this is why her non-competitive attitude does not work. I do not understand what that has to do with it. I do not think she knew enough about the dish to make it Wisconsin style. See, this is what happens when you use these home cooks and caterers, they have a few specialty dishes but they have not had to make things outside their own interest so they can not deal with tacos! Jyll thinks there are people who do not play the game for the right reasons and do not play fair and she will be upset if she goes home before they do. Uh oh. That means Jyll is going home before Penny. Because that is the way the Reality TV Game is played.
Whitney serves her hot dogs and baked bean pie. Fogs says Whitney gets better and better, she is intrigued by baked bean pie, but Bobby wants heat for the beans to counteract the sweetness. Bob gives her four or five stars. I am not sure if he can not decide or if he does not know the difference. I can not imagine a four- or five-star hot dog, and bean pie is just weird. Now, a bean turnover or a bean dumpling…
Vic talks about his homemade Yukon gold potato chips, and his garlic aioli instead of mayo. Caviar is the Vegas spin. Hey, that was my POV last year – you add either an ingredient, a flavor, or a presentation trick to an ordinary dish to make it fancy! Guy says the lobster is well cooked, and the food is designed well. Fogs thinks he had a good idea. They seem to be praising his thought process rather than saying “Wow this is good” but I think that means it is good, yes?
Orchid knows her brisket is not her best, because the “hoping and wishing and maybe it will turn out good even though I undercooked it by 400 percent” trick did not work. Guy says it is tough and needs seasoning.
Justin serves his burger. Guy says, who is this guy, it not same guy as on stage, which guy do you want to be? Justin will be whoever you want him to be, please tell him! He talks about his watermelon salad with roqueford blue cheese. Bobby of the Burger Palace does not like the burger, it is not seasoned. Fogs asks what is going on with him, why is he two different people. He is two people because you keep telling him to be something else! They really do not understand that they have created the complete messes that they make fun of. But this is the Entertainment business.
Chris is handing out his shrimp. Bobby likes the shrimp and salad; Fogs says the salad blew her mind. I am trying to imagine a mind-blowing salad. I do not understand. Maybe I misheard. I thought he served corn on the cob? Bob says his complaint is the shrimp was not cleaned, which of course is because he served shell-on shrimp. It is one of those nasty conundrums of cooking: the shells add flavor and protect the flesh from the heat, but you really have to split them and take out the vein and then you do not get the same effect.
Jeff the Sandwich Prince has his pretzel-crusted chicken slider. Bobby says it is the best sandwich he has made so far. The chicken is overcooked but the pretzel crust is good. Wow, that sounds like some sandwich, overcooked chicken. Fogs says he is promoted to Sandwich King now. They are not fussy about overcooked chicken.

The Inquisition Lineup:
It is really amazing, they line them up and mow them down.

Susie: Bob says they loved her this week. She wove personal stories with food info and that is the key to being a Food Network Star. Bobby, in his role as Culinary Expert, says the ribs tasted great, good heat and spices, and the slaw was nice. Susie wins!
Vic: Bob says they could tell he was having a good time. He connected with the crowd. There were long lines at his booth. Fogs says he took a risk with the wig, he acknowledged his scary looks and softened up, and took it home with a tender story about grandma. It was So Vic. Bobby says the lobster was the favorite dish for the crowd. Vic is in the Top Three!
Jeff: Bobby says it is the best example of the Sandwich King so far, with a selection of sauces, contrast in texture, a terrific dish. Maybe the chicken was not overcooked after all? Bob says he did a fantastic job, took risks, had energy, held on to genuine warmth. Jeff is in the Top Three!
Whitney: Bobby tells her dressing up like a cowgirl suits her, she caught him off guard with the pants joke in a good way. He loved her idea to go with the hot dog, it was great food, he loved the sauces, everything was well-seasoned. Bob says she had a great week, and he did not think it was possible, she was everything they hoped for. She is Good Enough to be Safe. She is not top three because she did not have a heartfelt family story, I suppose. Maybe next week she can come back with her father holding a cast iron pan over her head.
Chris: Fogs says he has often been the most exciting but usually for the wrong reasons, but now he has to get authority. He comes off like a clown sometimes. Sometimes? He should not have told the audience he did not see the cues. Bobby thought shrimp was overcooked, shell on means it isn’t deveined, but the corn was really good, one of the better uses of corn. Hey, I thought everyone loved the shrimp, all of a sudden they are unhappy with it? Chris is Good Enough to be Safe.
Mary Beth: Bob says she was flawless on stage, funny, quick on her feet, casual, conversational. But her chicken was not great. Bobby, as Culinary Expert, reminds her of the flabby skin. Nevertheless, Mary Beth is Good Enough to be Safe.
Penny: Do you also find a little tension when we get to Penny? Like, who is she going to turn on this time? That is why she is still here! Because nobody on The Food Network is ever going to want to work with her. Bobby loved her food, it is who you are, flavorful, lots of textures, it made sense. Fogs asks how her week went, and Penny says she did great once she shook off insecurities. People were coming over and being affectionate at the booth, but then she comes home and people at home have all this negative energy, Jyll is a pain, she complains about washing dishes. Dishes? This is the second mention of her washing dishes, a good housekeeping fight is always interesting! Jyll gets a little pissed off, “You are the most entitled person I have ever met!” Fogs says, to Jyll I think, “I get you, she is aggressive, she will walk on you, but she is a person and you have to live with her so you should talk some things out.” But Jyll already tried to talk things out! I think they edited this in a different order is what I think. Fogs talks to Penny: “When you can share your foods, you are a competitor. When you do what you did this week, I find it very hard to find a future with you.” I would love to see what is on the cutting room floor. I think they cut something out, because her presentation was not that bad. And I still think her insecurity was more about standing up in front of who knows who – maybe people with guns! Maybe tea people! Maybe people who want to ban anyone from the Middle East from the country! Oh, you think they do not exist? Watch the news! – and I felt sorry for her in this setting, I think she had a much greater wall to climb. But she really is a bitch. Her current target seems to be Jyll. I have a feeling Jyll is going to stress out next week and go home, and Penny is going to say, “Mission accomplished” and I will punch my television! Anyway, because the food was so good (and because the drama is perfect), Penny is Good Enough to be Safe.
Orchid: Her brisket was dry, her mac and cheese had no seasoning. Fogs says she only knows three things about her: she is a mom, she is a Filipina who likes bbq, and she has a restaurant; where is the rest? What, you want to know her bra size? She has to let them know who she is and tell stupid stories about growing up with grandma brandishing a rolling pin over her head, or picking grapes in the fields. Orchid says she knows she screwed up. But I do not care about knowing your family stories. Orchid is in the Bottom Three. She interviews that because she started out so high, she has been subjected to a higher standard than everyone else and is expected to get better and better. That is a little bitchy, girl. I was never part of the Orchid Love. I think she is the new Aria, her role in this season is to decline, and that is why she was so highly praised to begin with.
Jyll: Bobby says she was defeated right away, because she did not know about Mexican food. Her dish was not good. Fogs says she is very poised and focused – wait, those are good things, yes? – like a newscaster – oh, there it is, the other shoe! – not the Jyll that warms and brings us in. Eww. I do not want to be warmed and brought in! That is why I do not watch any Food Network cooking shows! I do watch the competitions. And sometimes Anne Burrell and Alton Brown, who are both incredibly over the top but they have food chops so they can get away with it ane I usually learn something beyond “buy food on sale and freeze it” – I am not going to bother with some Sandwich King wrapping himself in a flag to explain how to make a chicken slider that I do not want anyway! Jyll tries to have authority but has trouble with it, I do not understand, she has won two or three camera challenges and suddenly she is crap? Bobby says something really strange: I think you can do television, but I am not sure you are ready to do food television. So what kind of television should she do? Political commentary? Jyll is in the Bottom Three.
Justin: Bob says, I am so confused by you, where did the hop hop artist come from? I did not see a hip hop artist, maybe I missed it. Or maybe Bob has a different idea of what a hip hop artist is. Justin does the whole barrier thing, he tries to push people away, he needs to break out of barrier. Bob tells him they want authenticity, this was opposite of what he did. Bob, you do not want authenticity, you want your conception of authenticity, complete with rolling-pin-wielding grannies and mamacita picking grapes in the field. When Justin is authentic you do not like him. So he tried to be something you would like. Why do you just tell him, we do not like you, you are not the personality for our network, go away? But no, they have to torture him for a few weeks making him jump through hoops to be something he is not then scold him for not being authentic. Bobby says the burger was not that good. Which, of course, is ridiculous – how can you screw up a burger? Justin is out. And we are out of Justins!

Next week it looks like Tyler Florence will visit. And Penny does cat noises. She is pretty good at it, too! Some day she is going to regret this, I think. I regret it for her already.

2 responses to “Food Network Star 2011 Episode 5: Diners, Drive-ins and Fourth of July

  1. I grew blue potatoes one year that were purple when they were raw and a beautiful cobalt blue when they’d been cooked. No, really! Not grey at all.

    • Hello, Elizabeth! You must have better potatoes than we do here! I have only made purple potatoes once – maybe that is it, they were purple, not blue, purple peruvian, that is what they were called, and they turned very grey. Or maybe I overcooked them, I do that sometimes too! I think cobalt blue potatoes must be very strange and beautiful!

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