If you address yourself to an audience, you accept at the outset the basic premises that unite the audience. You put on the audience, repeating clichés familiar to it. But artists don’t address themselves to audiences; they create audiences. That artist talks to himself out loud. If what he has to say is significant, others hear and are affected.”
– Edmund Carpenter, ‘They Became What They Beheld’
For more, see Vi Hart’s video of the same title
I stumbled across this yesterday afternoon, idly listening to my “Liked” videos on Youtube. It was fortuitous timing, since this is the last rant I’ll have an excuse to make for a while about how the consumer culture is choking every last dollar possible out of Art and leaving behind a dead and rotting corpse.
But you’re probably here to read about the Project Runway finale. Ok.
The final three designers go to Mood with $500, Tim gives critiques, the assistants bow out, the families visit the workroom. They do the Fashion Week show at Lincoln Center. Somebody wins.
More?
The Workroom
Michelle seems pretty comfortable in the role of I-know-I’m-the-only-one-who-had-a-good-critique-but-I’m-not-going-to-jinx-it. She has good reason to be, since she’s the only one who got a good critique 
and, other than removing “some of the flair” and asking the hair people to do something else, has little fixing to do. At Mood, she gets yellow fabric; then she and Amanda decide Swatch has gained weight (or, to put it more cleverly, “chunked up”). I could swear I saw a tweet last night banning them from the store (in jest), but I can’t find it now so maybe I imagined it. Many years ago, a woman buying our car called our cat fat; she was murdered three weeks later. No, we had nothing to do with it, but karma’s a bitch. Tim loves everything, but he sees the bleeding heart sweater as belonging to another collection. Michelle decides the purpose of constructive criticism is to give her something to ignore.
Patricia‘s considering her edits, but she’s not considering Nina, since she’s “a right-wing conservative sometimes.” That made me smile. But Patricia’s got a point: she isn’t going to win over Nina at this point. Her main concern is making her collection an actual collection – you know, cohesive – so she’s going to make four more looks. She buys leather. The leather has holes in it. I don’t get why the leather has holes in it – is it sold that way? – but she doesn’t seem to think that’s unusual. It is, however, a problem, and she spends a good part of her time after she’s made palazzo pants out of the leather wondering what to do about the holes. It’s very suspenseful. She finally solves the problem by putting more holes in the leather. Tim wants her to find more opportunity for cohesion with her scarves, but she can’t find them: “They’re around here somewhere.”
Stanley needs “a hem and a shoe” to please the judges, but he’s still creating most his collection. I’m confused. He’s been pretty on top of things all along, and now, in the last lap, he shows up unprepared? I don’t get it. In fact, given that and the constant focus on Stanley constructing garments moments before the Fashion Week Runway, I wondered if they were going to shock everyone with a switcheroo. He’s jealous of the camaraderie and collaboration between Michelle and Amanda, something he doesn’t have with Richard. Later, he admits the whole team aspect scared the crap out of him because he doesn’t like people. Interesting, since he seemed to be terrific at teamwork; it was his arrival at the Losing Team that made it the Winning Team (though back in those days, I referred to Daniel as being the obvious choice since he was so good; shows you what I know). Tim thinks it’s all vintage, and that’s not a compliment. Sometimes it is, but not this season. He reminds Stanley that Nina wanted the beaded top and skirt split up, the top paired with skinny pants. Yes, she did, but Nina’s nuts, that outfit is magnificent as is (though I’m not sure what it’s like to sit on those huge beads, but this isn’t a comfort show, it’s a fashion show), he just needed to stop covering it up with a leather jacket.
Tim is exhausted after the walkthrough from redesigning Patricia and Stanley’s collections.
By the way, seems they’ve exported S10 winner Dmitri to Europe. He’s doing very well there. It’s probably better that way.
The young package their messages in media that fit their messages, that is, they create new media to fit their messages. In so doing, they create their own audiences. Some of these audiences may be very small at the beginning….
– Edmund Carpenter, ‘They Became What They Beheld’
For more, see Vi Hart’s video of the same name
The Runway
Heidi comes out looking fresh from a chemical peel. Seriously, what happened to her? She looked fine last episode, couldn’t have been more than a few days before, and now, between the raw shiny face, the garish lipstick, and the absurd Gautier jumpsuit (though I’ll admit, I love the print), all I can think is: clown. Of course I just read a terrific story about clowns. Or, more accurately, Klouns. Still, she looks ridiculous.
Michael Kors is guest judge, which means he doesn’t know anything about anyone that Heidi hasn’t told him or that he hasn’t seen on the tapes. Don’t kid yourself, Michael got the memo.
The runway show features a lot of knee shots for some reason. I almost understood it for Michelle’s collection, since her hemlines are kind of interesting. But what’s the deal with everyone else? Are knees in this season? And is Mondo wearing a popcorn bucket on his head?
Stanley calls his collection “Urban Opulence.” Heidi likes that he cut down last week’s gold failure into a top, but his coat is sloppily hemmed; I hate that look, I think it’s lingerie (though the model didn’t look as pregnant on the runway as in the photo). And his gown is just old-lady (Michael calls it “Betty White on Dancing with the Stars” which is nonsense, but it is pretty ugly). Nina wants the whole thing brought into the 21st century. And, like Daniel last week, Stanley now becomes irrelevant. I’m still surprised this was his collection; it struck me as the stuff I’d be most likely to wear, and given that my taste is, shall we say, mature, I was sure it was Daniel’s. I expected more from Stanley.
Patricia dedicates her work to trees. You know, I’d completely forgotten her name is Water Lily. Her first look uses beautiful fabrics she created, but doesn’t the model look pregnant? The top of her second look got overlooked somehow; it’s really clever. I love her flowy dyed fabrics. I don’t get trees. I don’t really get “collection” but on that topic, I keep thinking about an old episode of thirtysomething (don’t groan) when Melissa had a photo exhibit and was worried because she didn’t have a theme; nothing was connected. “You are the connection,” someone told her (come on, it was 1988, can you remember a tv show from 1988?). The collection is about what Patricia can do: she can make paints and dyes and chemical treatments, she can pound coiled silver (her stepfather’s a blacksmith), she can create new fabrics. It’s a different kind of fashion show.
Three-fourths of the judges respond to it. Michael uses his entire annual allotment of the word “fabulous.” He loves the chambray shirt (which is actually leather, isn’t it? We did this last week) though at first he was thinking art teacher on acid. I think that describes Patricia pretty well, actually. Zac gets to use the terms “techno-pow-wow” (which has already been applied to Winnipeg band Killah Green) and “fashiontainment” (the title of several blogs); he prefers her more abstract work, like the blue dress. Heidi noticed the crowd perk up; she loves the fabrics, though she isn’t sure about putting the yellow print over the red top (I rather like it – it evokes both a blanket and sari for a linguistic pun – but, like Fabio’s stuff, I can’t see anyone actually wearing it. By the way, it was nice to see Fabio again. I miss Fabio). Nina recognizes Patricia’s talent for bringing something to the table that’s unique, and she loves the blue dress, but only over her dead body will she win Project Runway. No, she doesn’t say it, but it’s in her attitude. And in chat, while Heidi and Zac are energetically praising Patricia’s work, Nina sits there looking at her blue cards dripping disdain from every pore. She’s like a kindergarten teacher pretending to take a kid seriously when all she wants to do is move on to what really matters to her. Addendum: TLo’s Recap – “Bring Me the Head of Nina Garcia” – is not to be missed.
It is one of the curiosities of a new medium, a new format, that at the moment it first appears, it’s never valued, but it is believed.
– Edmund Carpenter, ‘They Became What They Beheld’
For more, see Vi Hart’s video of the same name
Michelle (who is wearing a satellite dish on her head) is so obviously the winner all the fighting 
over Patricia seems ridiculous. I thought her first look was a little overcomplicated, and I hate the square plunge she uses twice, but that’s just because I don’t care for naked chest; it makes sense in the context of the collection, reflecting the hem, so while I personally don’t like it, I can understand it. I also hate the chaps, but again, that’s just me; they fit into the collection. I love a lot of the looks, and like the rest.
During interrogation, she whines again about being a lone wolf who’s lost her pack, forgetting that she spent four weeks blaming her pack for her lack of success. Nina’s happy: the silhouette’s consistent, she offered a lot of pieces with the option to take things apart. Her stand-outs were the coat and the yellow dress with nude leather. But what she’s really super crazy about is the bleeding heart sweater (take that, Tim). I’m ambivalent; it’s a little over the top on its own, but I have to admit, the look worked in the show. Michael loved the opening look, and the way she used fabric combinations that were disparate but worked. He questions the felt gown, though, first, because it’s felt, and second, because it’s a gown; he tells her not to feel compelled to finish with a gown just because that’s what usually happens in shows. Raise your hand if you think they’d slam her for not including a gown; I can just hear it: “You do sportswear, are you versatile enough to do evening wear as well?” He doesn’t like the chiffon tie; I (and Zac) disagree; it’s one of my favorite looks. Zac is slightly less enthusiastic about the collection overall; it could get cartooney, and it’s not really what the kids are wearing. Michelle insists it’s what hipsters are wearing (I’m still trying to figure out hipsters; I thought they wore heavy-rimmed glasses and ironic t-shirts?). He smacks her down by telling her, “What you’re drawing from has been in fashion already,” and the idea is to do something that’s completely out of fashion and bring it back, at which point they would have told her she’s not on trend. You can’t win with these guys, right? He acknowledges it’s beautifully made, amazing work. Oh, can it, Zac, you know she’s the obvious winner.
Decision Time:
Why does each designer feel s/he should win?
Stanley: He has a clear message, executes it well, and would represent the show well.
Michelle: She has unique creativity, a voice going towards the future, creating a woman who doesn’t know she exists.
Patricia: she’ll continue to create new techniques and ideas, with a voice that’s never been heard before.
In Chat, Heidi says: “We don’t have to look for a commercial designer” and her nose starts growing.
And the winner is: Michelle.
I think that’s a good thing. I think Michelle and PR are a good match. I don’t know what the deal is when they sign on for the show, but I’m assuming they will own a piece of her for the forseeable future. I think Michelle can manage that. For all I know, they own a piece of all of them; but Michelle’s the one that gets the prizes, so she’s going to get the most pressure to produce.
Patricia, on the other hand, could benefit from the exposure, if designers contact her about her fabrics or to suggest collaborations. That could be terrific for her, since that’s where her strength really lies.
Wrap-Up:
Do you remember where you were last July 19? Maybe you were on the beach in some lovely vacation spot. Maybe you were still cleaning up after your Fourth of July Backyard Bash. Maybe you’d just sent the kids off to camp, or were dealing with a heat wave or a power brownout.
Project Runway has been running, every week except for Thanksgiving, since then. That’s nine months of virtually non-stop Project Runway. The equivalent of a school year or a pregnancy of spending every Friday trying to figure out how to make sense of what’s going on, and when that failed, of trying to find something interesting to use as a focus, or just as an aside.
No wonder I’m burned out.
I didn’t always find something interesting; I phoned it in several times, particularly this season; I had a lot going on this winter/spring. If they aren’t going to take the competition seriously, why should I? No one’s forcing me to do this, and no one’s paying me, so I must be doing it because it’s fun. But it’s become less and less fun over the past several seasons as I have to look harder for the hook.
Thank you to Blogging Project Runway for providing a venue for those of us crazy enough to keep doing this over and over again, especially T-Bone, who is patient with my rants and has provided great information in his post comments. And to the other regulars who show up here and share what they think: guest2visits, MoHub, Kitty, Paul & Sarah Debraski. Whether we agree or disagree, you bring the fun even when the episode doesn’t. And thank you to my little audience, everyone who has read here over the past months, and for allowing me to be yours, you who have posted here.
I don’t know if I’ll blog Season 12; I’ll have to see how I feel when it comes around, and at what else I’m doing. Maybe it’ll be fun again by then.
For now, I’m glad it’s over.
and the too-many bags, I really like everything. Zac asks about techniques, probably just to get it out there how many she used: quilting, leather, detachable elements, and knitwear, with early eliminee, knitwear expert, and my personal crush this season, 
The studio space, in contrast, is very modern. She’s making a cape with horsehair tassels, a dress inspired by trees, and is working on painting fabric about the face of youth. Tim offers some good advice about the fabric: when she takes literal themes to an abstract level, it works; when it’s as literal as the painted fabric, it becomes “crafty” and looks like student work. It’s nice artwork, though; not for high fashion, but it’d be cool for interior design of spaces intended for kids. 
We already know the judges don’t like human hair; how do they feel about horsehair? Heidi likes it; Nina doesn’t; Zac never specifies, he’s too enchanted by the Tina Turner Smurf on the first model’s head. Still, he’s worried about the excessive diversity of the collection. These judges are tough, man. Your looks can’t be too much alike, nor can they be too different. But he’s right; this fails the old “would the same woman wear these three looks” test. Nina wants everything restyled, especially the TTSmurf. But Zac points out it’s great to have too much, because you can always edit down. I’m not sure editing down is the point here. Patricia’s idea of cohesiveness lies in that all the silhouettes are “festive,” which seems pretty weak to me. 
Daniel comes to the door to greet Tim and I missed the rest of the segment trying to figure out what the hell that was on his head. I’m confused. Is it a wig? Is it what happens when he doesn’t Brylcreem his hair down? Why is he tilting his head to look out from under the bangs instead of just cutting them or getting them the hell out of his face? I’m trying to think who he reminds me of, but I can’t place it. Addendum: Got it – Adam Sandler in 
It’s raining when she heads out for inspiration and fabric, which cleanses negative feelings and washes her wounds. Her words, not mine; I couldn’t write that with a straight face. Some half-demolished New York buildings have soot on the exposed chimney walls, and that’s her inspiration. Rain. Soot. Anybody got any Paxil? She loves having a whole $1000 to spend, so she gets cashmere and diarrhea-brown leather (again, her words), because, well, who wouldn’t. 
Patricia’s so happy to be Richard-free, I don’t think she cares who she’s paired with or where she goes. Paris is just the icing on the cake. Kate gets very excited about torn paper. Then Patricia gets excited about torn paper. It’s kind of decoupage graffiti, and seems they don’t have that out in the desert. She’s intrigued by the layers of history in those papers pasted to the wall. She’s in Paris, and she’s excited about the history in post-it notes? She’s not doing the romantic, whimsical Paris, she’s doing the gritty street Paris. “I don’t give you a native woman on a buffalo with wind blowing in her hair, why would I give a romantic Parisian?” Post-its it is. I shouldn’t be so snide, I’m a fan of street art, and what better place for it than Paris. 
She’s thinking of layering history in a fitted jacket. She ends up with dozens of different fabrics and needs to put 247 Euros of it back, leading to a three-way wrestling match as the fabric lady and Kate each pick their discard choices while Patricia just wails, “I NEED THAT.” Eventually the fabric lady convinces her if she puts back one piece of black fabric, she’ll be all set, they hug, and Franco-American harmony is restored. It’s a funny segment. Cut to Patricia and Kate having what in any movie would be a romantic moment in the sunset, but here on PR, it’s just filler. 
admits he’s OCD. He’s also pretty belittling to someone he picked when he had the whole palette to choose from, someone who has really nothing to gain from this. Tu’s ready to stab him with pinking shears by the end of the day. On the runway, Heidi asks if they bossed their assistants around (remember the good old days when you believed they didn’t know what was going on in the workroom?) and Stanley ‘fesses up. But boy, do they 
leather is her thing, and judging from the final collections I’ve seen, it’s a leather kind of year. She cuts cobalt blue leather into triangles and attaches them with chain links, draping it over a nude lining and using a frothy sheer swirl for the skirt. She hurts her fingers bending the chain links, the poor darling, reminding me of Elena in S10E2 having a meltdown over hot glue on her finger. Not to mention Jillian, long ago, weeping over her licorice sticks and claiming a needle went through her finger. Ah, it’s the “I was wounded in the line of fashion” trope. Tim’s impressed with the appearance of armor. I liked it in the workroom; I was less impressed with it on the runway, and 
“peeps.” And again, I swear to you, I wrote this (and selected the header pic) before I read 
walk.” That sounds similar to what Daniel was proposing last week, the idea that Layana thought was so out-of-touch. By the time Tim gets around to her, it’s a matador pant with a black bra. Tim: “Don’t you care tremendously about that bra?” Of course she does. Except no, she’d rather not have a bra, but she can’t have the “lady bits” exposed, that would upset the censors; we’re not in France, after all. Tim: “There’s a far cry from nothing to a black bra.” Further evidence of Tim’s decline: the man whose control of the English language has in the past made me swoon is mixing his metaphors. Michelle has some kind of epiphany in the restroom (which is a great place for an epiphany), but I don’t quite catch exactly what it is. Maybe it’s along the lines of “Is it enough.” And I again say, out loud, “No, it’s a t-shirt and pants, and Nina said not just a t-shirt and pants.” But Michelle doesn’t hear me. I’m a voice crying in the wilderness here. But y’know what: I love 
bloom (for some reason that sounds outrageously pornographic to me; I’ve never thought of “bulbous” as particularly obscene, but from now on, it is), and a collar across the shoulders which I suspect is another version of the disaster from E6, the Senior Citizen look. Then she finds out she’s got Richard “helping” her, and everything goes to hell in a handbasket. Except, Patricia never executes what she sets out to execute, or at least what it sounds like she’s saying she’s setting out to execute, so I’m not that surprised. She’s unable to communicate her ideas and needs to Richard, she’s also unable to send him away so she can work in peace, so she spends 40 minutes teaching him a French seam she could do in 15 (and for the record, I haven’t sewn anything in 20 years, and I might be able to fake a 
innovative in slicing up leather into fringe; most seven-year-olds have done something like that (albeit with felt or construction paper) to make an Indian Halloween costume. I can’t even tell what the dress is: it seems like a sheer poncho over neutral. She tries to defend it by talking up the dancing fringe, but it’s nonsense. Again, the judges struggle to say “this is crap” without saying, “this is crap,” which again puzzles me, because – and I support Patricia’s oddness – this is crap. I’ve liked having her around this far, because she’s come up with some interesting things even if they often were a bit stillborn, but this is crap. I’ve liked how she sometimes uses Native American ideas but turns them into something barely recognizable, but sometimes, like this time, she just produces crap. This is what I might make if someone told me (who knows little about Indian motifs and nothing about textiles or sewing) to make an Indian dress. Nina sees to think the problem is that the tent-like shape wouldn’t be flattering to Jordana. Zac sees spring texture but not enough movement and it’s “not a totally finished look.” Heidi isn’t sure: does she like it, or is it borderline Pocahontas? Oh, Heidi, give it up, it’s not even a close call. Why are they trying to maintain the suspense? 
To be honest, I felt the same way. I had some warm, “Hey, you had a great run” feeling for Patricia, and it never occurred to me she’d survive this auf. So I did my own little spit take. Even though I know what PR is capable of, it never occurred to me they were capable of cutting off their nose – and both ears, a right arm, and both feet – for the sake of a ten-minute Twitter trend.
From the moment Tim paired them, I knew they’d be the winning team. Or, maybe I should say, I hoped, because if they’d found a way to cut one of them, I might have run amok. They’re both happy with the pairing, probably recognizing each other as the best option. “We’re both in the same head space,” chirps Michelle. They’ll both work on the art piece, she’ll design the fabric, and he’ll do the ready-to-wear. 
Michelle creates a fabric of her face. I swear, it reminds me of Munch’s 
For ready-to-wear, Stanley makes a 
Which makes it doubly delicious when she’s the one who can’t produce. Her first attempt dies a painful death for reasons unknown. Her second brings her to tears because the fabric doesn’t look ironed. Daniel leads her some distance away and shows her it looks fine; she sees it’s true, the tears stop, she gets back on track, just in time to start complaining she’s all alone. Damn, girl is good. A lotta stuff thrown at tv screens last night. They should start giving Best Actor awards for reality shows. 
Both of them recognize this is Patricia’s challenge, so Richard stands back and lets her work. That’s to his credit. However, standing back for a day and a half, making only a bracelet, is not to his credit. It seems he thinks he needs to see her look before he can make the ready-to-wear, since nothing Patricia says ever makes sense to anyone and it wouldn’t matter if it did since she usually ends up doing something else anyway. As in this case when she starts out with “a corrugated skirt” and ends up with 
Richard, on the other hand, makes bloomers. He’s got the restraint idea in the skirt, and it’s a good idea, but the proportions are completely off (the skirt falls too low on the hips for starters, the hem comes in then goes out just like, well, bloomers), and the top is much too sporty and doesn’t fit. Visually, it’s in a different universe from Patricia’s, even though I can see a shared idea. It’s clearly the failure of the night. But that was forecast when he looked blank when Patricia asked him what shape he was using, if he was doing something mod or a-line, like he’d never thought about clothing in that way. I think Richard realized early on he was in over his head, and he’s been struggling to not show it. But now he’s just given up. 
After Michelle and the girls set their goals as: “Stanley, Daniel, and Richard” (what does that even mean? Do they want to hook up, is it an evil incantation, or is this some kind of conspiracy?), the designers meet Tim at Lord & Taylor. Richard finds it so luxurious, he feels right at home. He’s wearing a crystal-studded hat with spikes sticking out of it. Just what kind of home did he come from, anyway? 
the first four episodes without producing anything decent: it’s a great dress. I don’t quite understand it – she claims there’s leather in it, but I don’t know where – but it looks great, and I say that as someone who reacts to chartreuse like chalk on a blackboard. She tells the judges her inspiration was buds breaking in spring. I’m not sure where the L&T rose comes in, but sure. Heidi loves it, which would’ve meant something back in the day before Heidi decided her erogenous zones were property to be advertised. It’s sophisticated, fun, young, and Michelle thought about the challenge differently. At which point you can see the thought bubble over Michelle’s head: “What was the challenge again? Oh, the L&T rose… well, I had chartreuse buds, that’s like roses, right?” Nina loves it, and since it isn’t a prom dress, that means something. L&T plugs the accessory wall. Oh – duh! It just dawned on me – this is why they’ve been harping on styling for the past few years, to draw attention to the sponsor’s stuff. Silly me – I forgot, it’s the Product Placement hour. all that said – it’s still a great dress. 
Don’t worry about it, it’s so artificial there’s a metallic aftertaste. His basic issue is that he needs to keep current, so he proposes a jacket over shorts in hot pink. If you immediately thought “Michael Knight, Pam Grier, hot pants,” you, too, have been watching PR too much, too long. Tim leads a Discussion on Pink, and Michelle continues to evade the question, “Do you like this color?” since she hates pink. Tim sees Joan Collins in the jacket, leading Daniel (after the phoniest crying this side of daytime soaps) makes a dress instead: “I forgot I like to design clothes that make people happy (sob). and Michelle, you can’t bring me down (sob) because I’m a happy person (sob) – these are tears of happiness.” Diane Keaton once told a story about her early days doing Hair, how no one ordered them to take their clothes off during a performance, but they’d get extra money if they did. I wonder how much Daniel’s tears earned him. He ends up with the world’s most ordinary 
manufacture, but likes the idea of 
Tim, what happened to you, man? Remember when you used to be on the designers’ side? Remember when you were an educator instead of a performer? Remember? When did you go over to The Dark Side? Samantha likes Layana’s dress (so do I), and Richard is having a hard time finding a reason to say he dislikes it. Something about flowers and open-toed shoes. Tim isn’t crazy about the leather, but tells her to stand by it if she feels it’s right. And of course she feels it’s right. It 
more pops. Tim wonders if he’s prepared for the judges to say they saw this from him already with sleeves in 
well, it’ll look adorable… they’re looking for a teen customer.” So she goes junior. Oh, Tim, how could you – when was the last time anyone got praised for a junior look? To make matters worse, Samantha has some fit issues at the very end which hike the skirt up to 
the stratosphere. Long, long ago, on a network far away, on the first episode of ST:TNG, Deanna Troi became known as the 
The guest judge is an actress I’ve never heard of. And I keep wanting to pull up Heidi’s errant bra strap. The runway is hilarious. The clothes are so awful, but you’ve got these male strippers dancing. “It’s like a wet dream,” says Zac. No, no, he didn’t say that, he said “Like a weird dream” but I’m betting they had to re-shoot to clean it up for tv. They all forget to vote, whether it’s because the guys are so attractive, or the clothes are so awful, it’s hard to tell. Nina breaks into hysterical laughter, rivaling Michael Kors’ giggles when faced with the lady wrestlers of S4. The whole episode was like a mashup of S4, now that I think about it. A bad one. Intended to get us sputtering. I refuse to sputter. 
The highlight of the episode is Amanda’s discovery of the penile bump while goosing the manikin: “It has a bump. A little penile bump. And I do mean little.” Your mother’s gonna watch that, too, Amanda. But Amanda shows she kind of knows her stuff, too: she points out, “Another problem is we don’t have a style.” Layana announces she’s thinking Armani. I guess she expected everyone to pick that up by telepathy. But Amanda goes with it: “Oh, so mid-century, slimmer cut, slimmer lapel.” I have no idea if that’s actually Armani, but if so, she’s not as non-verbal as she claimed with Richard. Of course, it could be completely off (isn’t Armani pretty current?) in which case she’s proved her point. I’m flexible. 
I’m beginning to wonder if someone cooked the books on Michelle early in the season. Why is it that for the first four episodes – at least two of which involved no collaboration at all – were distinctly mediocre, and now for three weeks she’s been churning out the best stuff on the runway? It’s almost as though she had the narrative when she started, and deliberately held back for several weeks, to create a character arc. That isn’t something someone would do, right? At least, not unless she knew she’d already been chosen the winner, or at least guaranteed the time to complete the ascension? Thing is, Christian took a while to get started; maybe a little time to get the feel of things is necessary. Whatever the reason, at this point, she’s actually (almost) equal to her opinion of herself.
completely screwed up. The conversation with the judges is hilarious:
place in his heart. Tu, on the other hand, hates ducks. A friend of his had a duck, and it followed him and tried to bite him. I’m wondering where all these duck people came from. Out of ten people, two have encountered ducks-as-pets? Is this true for the general population – half have had a pet duck, or know someone who has? Have I been duck-deprived all my life? Is that what’s truly, fundamentally wrong with me? Or did they select contestants based on personal experience with ducks?
Each team-pair produces two looks, one for performance (a little bit… etc), and one for Red Carpet use (chic, young, fresh, not overly designed). Dang, why doesn’t anyone ever want something old and out-of-style? And it’s time to celebrate curves. Oh goody. The looks don’t need to be cohesive. This means that the “teams” are once again a notion of convenience rather than an actual part of the challenge. With the exception of last week, I don’t think there’s been a challenge in which cohesion played a significant role, has there? They get $400 per pair and one day. Miranda herself will be Guest Judge. 
until Tim walks through. Tim’s so upset, he actually takes off his glasses: a new level of “Tim, Concerned.” “It’s going to be wacky, coming out here and here, exaggerating.” Tu nods, excited: that’s it exactly! Tim: “You really gaga-ized her.” Kate suggests stitching down the pleats; but it’s not the pleats, it’s the projectiles. Tim is gasping for air. Then he sees Tu: “You really want to do this, don’t you?” Tu does. But he’s aware Tim does not like his design, and it troubles him. Lifetime didn’t create the Crazy Asian Reality Show Contestant stereotype, but they’ve certainly exploited the hell out of it. I’m a little troubled myself. He makes a few changes, but doesn’t have time to revamp completely. I think I would’ve liked his original vision better than what he 
Each team must make four outfits for the ad, and two for press events, which means the Team of Losers gets to assign one look to each designer, while the Winners will have to team up on a couple of looks. That’s an interesting built-in advantage for the Losers, I think. Heidi provides them with a box of “inspirations” including 
to let you off easier? Still, I admit I’m kind of curious about what was going on. Not from any prurient impulses, I assure you – more of an impulse to compare notes. At any rate, he’s making something out of 
Matthew (Bottom Two) isn’t feeling it. He’s intimidated, because Heidi of course looks good in everything being a supermodel and all that, so he has to nail it. And all he heard was the word “bondage.” Can’t imagine why – take a look at those storyboard elements, nothing suggestive of bondage there, right? He’s not a dressmaker (from last week: “I was in dance, I have the heart of an artist”), which I guess is his interpretation of the challenge. I’m a little sick of him and his moping artist persona already, and I’m someone who loves a good moping artist persona. Tim senses his despair. He also senses his early effort is going matronly, so suggests going for all-out S&M through a fashion lens, not through a sexual deviant lens. Hearing Tim say “sexual deviant” is scary. Unfortunately, his fashion lens is not calibrated to the judges’ fashion 
lens. Zac thinks the fabric is fine but with the neck piece it looks 
but I’ve said that before. I must have the same old, dowdy taste she has. It’s hard to defend someone wearing a ball-fringe-trimmed shawl over a tank top, but I liked the iridescence of the fabric, and I liked the overall style, even though it didn’t fit very well. But the judges are brutal. She points out how she sexed it up with a slit over the chest, and Heidi gives her a lesson on sexy: a slit doesn’t make it sexy, it needs to hug the body in a sensual way. Zac asks, why shantung? She thought it was elegant and classy. Zac disagrees; it’s hard to photograph, and it shows every wrinkle. The iridescence I liked? It’s cheap. Ouch. Good thing I can’t afford iridescent clothes anyway. Heidi asks the team if anyone advised her to stay away from the fabric; Samantha says this was the best of the fabrics she bought. Kristin is the only one with anything positive to say; she could see what she was dreaming of. That’s something, I guess. 
a way to rein in her penchant for long explanation: “Tell us in 100 words or less what you’re doing.” He’s impressed with the ambition, and gives his approval. She wanted to do the whole dress in leather, but given costs (and time) just does it on the top front. She thinks this is great for press appearances since no one’s ever seen this kind of fabrication. That sounds like self-promotion, but I think she’s right. And yes, it’s 
(what I consider) the flaws, it’s very impressive work, and I’m glad she got the recognition for being truly innovative, as opposed to what passes for innovation on this show. Everyone loves it, and Heidi recognizes it as a – wait for it – surprise. Kristin worries that it’s boxy and not that flattering; Zac thinks it’s more appropriate for a younger girl, which earns an impressive, if staged, glare from Heidi. But Nina thinks it’s a nice departure. In chat, Heidi notes it’s something that, in a press interview, might make news. 
Daniel thinks Bond Girl from the ad story board: low back, high leg. Tim suggests a halter, and he goes with that. Except: Crisis! He thought he got some contrasting fabric, but it’s not in his bag. Patricia to the rescue: she’s not using the dark leather she bought, so she hands it over. For some reason, Daniel thinks this is a Big Deal. Hey, they’re on the same team, she isn’t using it, of course she should give it up. He gets a bit emotional in a TH: “I come from nothing, and look what I’ve done.” Maybe the producers are waving 
around legal nasties. A screen print guy will come in and add logos, slogans (“Balls are our Business” must be included on the ball boy uniform), in whatever size and location desired. The designers hang out making pests of themselves acting as servers and ball boys for a while so they’ll understand the requirements of the uniforms, since none of them could possibly have ever actually worked as a server before. Tu’s parents own a restaurant so he immediately drops a drink. Patricia gets herself fired. Benjamin has worked in high-end restaurants so he decides all on his own to play DT leader. The current uniform is a gray t-shirt, so pretty much anything is an improvement. They get $500 per team, and one day. Susan Sarandon, owner of the club, is guest judge. Tu: “She has big boobs.” I’m pretty sure that’s the designer talking, since, come on, they’re not all that big.
Tim suggests finding other opportunities to use the shape, and a lightbulb goes off over Daniel’s head: pockets. On the runway (after Heidi admires Daniel’s heart), the model looks like a server, and even acts like a server, taking out a pencil and pad of paper. It’s a 
Stanley (Top Three)tackles a male server uniform, and goes retro. Is that what retro looks like? Guy looks like a SEAL to me. It’s pretty simple: 
I think the pockets are a little too busy but it’s quite striking. Susan says they were going to have them carry back-mounted vaccuums a la Ghostbusters to chase after the balls; the nets were a compromise. And here the design is a back-mounted net. Zac likes the graphic break over the chest, unusual for men. Heidi likes the placement of everything. Who would get the win? They waffle: “It’s hard to say.” I think they’re right; it was an actual team effort. And it meshes with Stanley’s commando gear and the graphic shirt-and-vest. Susan murmured, “I love this” as it walked the runway (unless that was edited in from somewhere else, which is distinctly within the realm of possibility).
They add a sporran as place to store balls, and a tank. I confess, 
James work. He produces a really ugly purple shirt. “Shirt” is kind of misleading; it’s a maternity top, though he might’ve planned to turn the front pleat into button plackets. Cindy and Matthew disapprove. Benjamin doesn’t understand it. Tim says the shirt is a mess. Michele says the color scheme and proportions are off. The team says, scrap it. James: “I want to say, where’s your hope, let me fix it before you say scrap it.” He scraps it, abandoning all hope. He has hip hop pants, loose, knee length, no top. He doesn’t know what fabric he can use for his top. See James fret. I’m not sure where the fabric came from, but by runway time he has a 
a character from the TV show Portlandia. 
Tu and Samantha (safe) make a 
Benjamin Mach, 35, Australia. I thought he was Ed Begley Jr. in the group photo, and imagined a screamer, but his videos seem much more mature and thoughtful. He seems to think he has a web presence, but one site doesn’t exist and 
and the artistic element and strong female POV; Daniel impressed them for all the structure he accomplished in one day, and for an interesting, beautiful, original look “of the moment” since it’s what just walked the Paris runway. Richard gets props for a straightforward, versatile, effortless look. 
something good: “It’s important to have your craft ready to go.” Great line. So much better than a Michael Kors zinger. 
Uli decides on Casanova, who spends a lot of time sleeping on the couch in the lounge because “Designing is like sex, I have to be in the mood… I’m still on vacation.” Uli takes it in stride: “He’s like a baby, he functions for a while then falls asleep; I have to work around that.” 
Uli wants to do Winter Wonderland, because she’s done well with white and ivory this season. What? Shoot for the moon, and that’s what you come up with, doing the same thing you’ve been doing all season? She’s never been big on concept, but she delivers on execution. Casanova sees her tool box on the floor; he thought it was her daughter’s lunch box for child care. He created a whole little story there, didn’t he, considering Uli doesn’t have a daughter. She’s working with fake furs in addition to white; she calls it her Sasquatch Collection at one point, and at another, thinks 
it looks like Yeti in a box. She explains the concept to Joanna on an early walkthrough, who likes the two things she can see; it’s coherent, and she understands the girl, but a runway show needs at least one spectacular piece. Joanna keeps prompting her to bring in The Wall. Uli finally gets it: behind the wall there was no freedom or creativity, so now she’s in her happy place. Which has nothing to do with Winter Wonderland or the collection, but Lifetime has their narrative.
Emilio does Urban Plantation: Working Women in America from Aunt Jemima (real name 
It’s been a rough couple of days for competitive reality TV. First Kristen on TC, now this. Though nothing here should’ve been a surprise, I was still surprised. Because hope runs deep. I’m taking “I told you so’s” now, as I promised.
and go to a fantastic fabric shop, with a fantastic budget to match. They go to a Valentino fashion show. At least Joshua had the sense not to wear his leopard tank top to show; or maybe the producers made him change. I think he actually looks better than Anthony Ryan, though actual fashionistas will probably disagree. Uli and Emilio blow them both out of the water, in terms of class. Joanna tells them it’s about dreams and magical thinking.
advises him to keep an eye on them because they could overwhelm the red. Emilio takes her advice and the final result has no appliques at all. It’s 
like black, and is drawn to texture. Joanna comes through just as his gut is telling him he has to throw it out and 
start over, and Joanna would never get between a man and his gut, but just in case he’s wondering she likes the bodice. It’s driving me nuts that he’s wearing a hat that turns him into the guy from “To The Boy With The Blue Knit Cap” episode of L&O:CI because it really depresses me that I’m able to make that connection. By the time he’s done, he thinks his model looks like Tarzan the Warrior Princess. Or maybe it was a Warrior Princess from Tarzan, because Tarzan was neither a warrior nor a princess. Maybe in person; on my TV I saw a sparkly 
it’s dramatic. But she thinks the rest looks like skin: “like a gladiator alligator meets a Sicilian widow.” I love that phrase so much I’m not even going to try to parse it out (I can’t believe 
that looks like the 
Uli compares it to The Hunger Games – either you or your friend is going to end up dead. She takes the nude lining nobody 
liked and makes a dress out of it, then makes a jacket from the gold and black fabrics. To me it screams “Chris March Got Eliminated The First Time For This.” PR liked it so much, they left it out of their Rate the Runway pics, but you can see it 
But instead he just cuts it down to size, reverses the bodice back-to-front, and calls it a ready-to-wear look for Nine West. And here’s where I got scared, because dang if it didn’t look cute. Georgina’s shocked at what an extraordinary job he did; there’s a lightness to it now. Isaac thinks he got closer to the original intent to marry lace and print. Cynthia calls it pretty and fresh. I agree. It’s not perfect, but allowing for the time and the conditions, it’s terrific – and it’s a vast improvement over his first effort, which I can’t say for Uli.
getting all “Support the Troops.” They’re too good for this. I’m all for supporting the troops (especially with things like ending wars that never should have happened and providing superior health care for those who do serve and voting for candidates who promise to do those things instead of cutting taxes). I just don’t support Project Runway using them for ratings. At least Ven wasn’t part of this. Even Joshua minded his manners; his crack, “Don’t ask don’t tell – with me they don’t even have to ask” with a wave at his pink and yellow flowered tank top was downright funny. And there was a Swatch sighting – it only lasted a couple of seconds, but he was there, hiding behind Emilio.
dress. So Uli makes her dress in black and white, because she couldn’t find purple print fabric. It’s the 
a blood clot nearly killed her (see “imminent death status” above) and necessitated amputation of her leg. When she returned to “alive status” (yes, I made that one up) her first question was “Will I be able to wear high heels with a prosthetic leg?” She has a “service animal,” aka a dog, and he’s cute, too. [Addendum: Thanks to 
That’s why I hate these challenges with military people. His veteran wants a dress with “wow factor” for a Vegas bachelorette party, and her favorite color is yellow. So Emilio makes a yellow dress, but he gets all snarled up in “fusing” and has to make the top over when it doesn’t fit. Joanna calls it “brave” of the woman to wear “all this yellow” which to me says “take it down a level” but it seems it didn’t mean that to Emilio. She thinks this challenge might be harder for him, since he’s used to costuming and red carpet, but he says he dresses regular women all the time. Maybe, but the color makes this 
about?” “I’m a boob-hider,” she confesses. All I can think of is Olivier from S9, how he’d be apoplectic. She’s recovering from an injury so she weighs more than usual, and she’s feeling a little awkward. She wants a long dress for her 40th birthday party, “definitely strapless.” Anthony Ryan goes for ombre, and he has good ideas: using boning and canvas to keep the garment in place, putting the dark part of the ombre at the bust and having it lighten up going down. And Joanna suggests one shoulder, or something for support, and he figures he can talk her into it. 
All good. Except… 
Uli’s so taken with the building – “it’s crisp and clean and airy and light” – she hardly notices Elie and Blondie. It’s the 
Poor Joanna: when she comes in for the walk-through, it’s apparent she has split the fabric of her skirt at the waist. In two places, no less. It’s too bad none of the designers offers to mend it for her. I barely heard the walk-through because I kept staring at her stomach and wondering if she’d gained weight or was pregnant. It’s too bad, too, because she brought Elie, who passed on words of wisdom for all the Special Snowflakes in the Room who are Winners No Matter What: “All love, no fear.” I think a couple of these designers need a little fear. But fear isn’t in their contract.
some other fabric he refers to as “almost neoprene” for stretch, which strikes me as bizarre. He cuts up his print – parts are blue, parts are orange, parts are almost animal print – to put the different parts of the print in different places. Mixing prints is the sort of thing Mondo does beautifully, and the Michael Costello clone – Christopher, I had to look up his name, that’s how much I remember from last season – who did the x-ray fabric, knew how to place a print correctly. I’m not so sure about AR. Joanna says the print is doing a lot of the work, which, well, yeah, it is, but isn’t that why you get a superb print? He has a discussion about pockets with Elie – they do add to the cost but they also increase value, but the important thing is to give “the lady” the best shape at the hip. That’s the best information this episode. Then Elie lapses into pseudo-shrink schmaltz: “When things are easy we get lazy, you need to grow up fighting for your rights and food and love and you appreciate it more.” When I looked at fabric insert on the Rate the Runway slide, I realized it’s not a silky fabric at all; it’s quite coarse, in fact, which surprised me. I don’t like it as much as I did. I have mixed feelings about the 
Ivy does ready-to-wear, so this is her challenge. What she doesn’t do is prints, so of course she finds a print; she thought it was ombre, but it’s a landscape. It’s gorgeous, but, like Anthony Ryan’s, it’s the sort of print you have to place correctly. She wants to do a maxi dress to use the whole panel of the fabric, but still using a color block technique. Elie tells her she has guts to use that fabric, which, given he can’t very well say “What the #*%@ are you doing to my beautiful materials” is maybe for the best. Ivy tells Joanna she’s going to leave the dress long, and the customer can cut it to the desired length. Ivy, what part of “ready-to-wear” do you not understand? Joanna tells her customers won’t necessarily want to tailor the dresses they buy, and it’s the sign of a lazy designer, anyway. Especially with that print: it isn’t a repetive pattern. I think Ivy knows this is the last challenge of her contract, so she doesn’t really give a shit, so even though Elie tells her it should be short, 
his manikin has a bare chest. With Joshua, you never know: it could be a crazy scoop neckline, or maybe he’s going to put gerbils in there. Elie wonders about the lace: “It takes it somewhere else.” I don’t think that was a good thing. Joshua does battle with a zipper, and the zipper wins: “She looks like she has a dump in her butt.” She does, too. Maybe she’s taking Alli, too. Considering it’s really pretty simple, it’s 
The hands-down best moment of the night was when Laura revealed her card, a misspelled “Social Soriee.” I’m not sure how they got Uli’s right and Laura’s wrong; did they hand-make these? Doesn’t anyone know how to use a computer? And… why on earth did they leave it in for airing?
Uli: “Buy a thousand things to make sure your dress is covered with Christmas that doesn’t look like Christmas.”
It isn’t quite a turban. Or maybe it is but it’s falling apart, with little things hanging down in back. It looks dirty. But it’s strangely appealing. I think Casanova has checked out of the competition. He doesn’t know what to do. It isn’t as easy as gutting Plush Puppies, which is what he did in Season 9; I can actually hear him saying “Plush Puppies.” Joanna doesn’t want to wear the dress he shows her. So he starts over. Then he starts over again. Overnight, his roomies warn him he isn’t using anything unconventional, so on Runway Day he starts over again, and because he’s gone through all the stuff he bought, he goes through the trash and asks the other designers for their leftovers. Yeah, Casanova has left the building. 
Words to live by. Georgina can’t tell from the back if it’s shorts or a skirt. Georgina, honey, look at this, does it matter? Everyone seems to love the top, which makes me want to bang my head against a wall. But even Kylie, who is apparently famous for wearing hotpants (!) wouldn’t wear those shorts. 
She’s the only one whose model looked good. She gets an incredibly ugly black watch, with Fawaz Gruosi coming into the backstage lounge to put it on her wrist himself. Couldn’t they even have him come out on the runway? I don’t care how expensive it is, it’s huge, it’s clunky, it looks like plastic. I’m betting she sells it on eBay.
